Settling In For The Storm

The loss of someone close to you is one of the hardest things to learn to live with. As time goes on and you find ways to put yourself back together you feel like you’ve made huge strides. Then one day, when you’re feeling so incredibly happy, something happens that shakes the surface and puts a tiny crack into it. Slowly throughout the day the crack gets bigger and tiny nuisances become huge catastrophes. You tell yourself its all perspective and to be happy. You try to put a positive spin on the situation but there’s no hope. You’re too far gone. The grief and depression pulls you down and threatens to suffocate you. You pull away from everything good in your life in favour of being alone with your depression. It’s too hard to try to explain yourself to anyone. So instead you sit alone with your sadness and anger until it wears you down. Just like a storm the rain comes in the form of tears, the wind appears as your body shakes, the lighting strikes in outbursts of anger. You try so hard to control it but it runs its course. Anger, resentment, vulnerability, sadness – they sweep in and shut you down until you know longer know who you are. All you can fathom is running away. But you know that you can’t run. It’s inside you. There is nowhere to hide. And so you settle in until the storm passes. You let the sadness and the anger wash over you internally. You try your best to put on a brave face until the grey disappears. So here I am… hunkered down… waiting for the storm to pass.

storm

 Afterthoughts:
As I worked through my emotions there were a few things that helped to ease the pain:

  • Talking to a girlfriend: a real, honest, loving girlfriend who supports you and is there for you
  • Being alone in nature: sitting by the ocean or going for a hike
  • Cuddling with an animal. The unwavering love from a pet is always uplifting
  • Affirmations “I love and accept myself” “I am enough”

I believe that loving yourself is the key to getting through these storms. They will come. They are natural and necessary to work through your grief. No matter how rough they are, try to remember that you are always loved and that you deserve happiness and joy in your life.

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